This is a more detailed interpretation of the symbols I have chosen for the still life images. As McLuhan said, documentation is a process that extends the memory, which is very necessary for me!. This blog also makes my private thoughts and processes public, which I have found difficult, but important to do.
As I have said before, my work acts as a form of therapy. In a similar way, Yayio Kusama felt that her work kept her sane.
Cigarette Buts and Ash.
I am trying to show the invasive, sickening effect that having two smokers in my life has on them, their bodies and ME. The butts are dirty, twisted and stained with rain seepage. The filters show dark staining where the chemicals have been drawn through, into the body. I have sprinkled the ash over the plate and the flower, to show how this habit has a far-reaching effect on my life. I am worried about the health of my loved ones, but on a more superficial level I hate the all invading smell, the sight of cigarette ends in the garden, and the anti social craving the addiction causes.
Slugs and Snails
These are not life-threatening, but are a constant cause of annoyance in my life. I don'y like to use strong pesticides, so I go on 'snail patrol' every morning, while there is still dew, and collect slugs and snails in a bucket. Then I walk down to the end of the road and tip them over the fence into the woods.
I read that they have to be dumped at least 20 metres away or they just come back again!
I keep a tally in my head each day, and the average is about 12 of the little blighters. I have lost whole plants like hollyhocks and delphiniums, so I have to remain vigilant!
Ear Plugs
These represent my insomnia. Anxiety keeps me awake, then wakes me again in the night. I have got into the habit of writing in my notebook whenever I wake so at least I feel there is something positive about it. I have had some good ideas this way, and remembered things that I couldn't the day before.
I am a very light sleeper, so any sounds, like snoring wake me up straight away too. Lack of sleep is a terrible strain on my energy.
Meat, Blood and Bones
These represent what Julia Kristeva has defined as Abject. The things that remind us of our mortality and so try to ignore and push away. For me they represent physical problems I have; particularly a degenerative spine condition caused by my active and accident prone younger life. I enjoyed hockey, lacross, athletics, gymnastics, riding, climbing, skiing, canoeing, sailing, diving, dancing. These activities made me very happy and satisfied a craving for excitement and challenge. I am now severely limited to boring lengths in the pool and hours of cycling to keep fit.
My Poor body is damaged and can't be repaired and that makes me very sad and frustrated.
The organic matter also represents physical abuse I have suffered, causing broken bones and lots of blood.
Beads
When a necklace is constructed, colours, shapes, sizes and materials are selected to go well together and compliment each other. This reminds me of friendships and relationships with family. When a necklace is broken, the beads are scattered and are rarely found and put back together again. I lost my best friend in the Tsunami and my first husband to manic-depression. The beads represent those losses and the memories of loved ones.
Curtain Hooks
Growing up, I had the same bedroom for about 18 years. The curtains were hung on a 1950s wooden track, with sharp curtain hooks attached to wooden balls travelling along the track. Except they didn't! They got stuck every day and I had to balance on the bed and move each one individually to get the curtain to open or close. The hooks would prick my fingers and the whole process was very annoying!!
My mum sent me some of the old hooks when she finally modernised the track, so I have included them as one of the annoying memories.
Rotten Fruit
With reference to the still life paintings of the Dutch Masters, I have included this element to represent decay, ageing and death. It is a memento mori to remind me that I have to make the most of life, but also that my death and that of my loved ones is inevitable.
Jewellery
I have included some jewellery that has survived a fire which started in my bedroom two years ago. I lost a lot of precious things and had to go to hospital for smoke inhalation. My face, clothes and hair were black. The objects are bent by heat and blackened with soot. They represent survival and endurance. But also loss.
A White Flower
In this case, a white orchid.
Very corny, this. But with reference to Elizabethan symbolism, the flower represents purity; my 'will' or 'spirit'. We all need to be strong to face adversities in our lives and keep moving forward, finding joy. Although the flower is knocked and damaged by the other elements in the still life, it is still beautiful.
Drugs
Again, these are symbolic of the misery of Mental Health problems that have plagued my life for the last 30 years.
Grey Hair
Another inevitable sign of ageing, which I have decided to embrace by no longer dying my hair.
Sometimes it gets me down that I am older than I feel and I hate my reflection in the mirror. I feel that life has been unkind to me and I would look better if I had fewer stressors-less shit in my life. But that's just vanity.
Human Waste
Representing the abject and encapsulating the message of my work now. I have a lot of shit to deal with on a daily basis. And just like the human process of ejecting waste, it is constant.
Insects
When I was researching disgust and what humans found most disgusting, insects came high on the list as they were considered to be carriers of disease. I have used insects as a symbol of decay and the inevitability of death, as did the Old Masters.
Background
Finally, I use two kinds of doily in the background, beneath the glass plate. These represent my attempts to keep up appearances and try to hold everything together in my roles as Mother, Wife, Friend, Daughter, Teacher and Student.
No comments:
Post a Comment